<p style="text-align: center"><a href="http://news.charlesayoub.com/index.php/article/3921/Mario%20Balotelli"><img class="size-full wp-image-60867 aligncenter" title="Mario - (c) Charles Ayoub (see link)" src="http://www.thehardtackle.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/mario.jpg" alt="" width="576" height="324" /></a></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Had Mario Balotelli been <a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2012/01/23/sport/football/football-balotelli-parker-stamp/?hpt=isp_c1" target="_blank">rightfully sent off against Spurs</a>,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>It certainly would've added to the list of this season's wonders.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>'Cos had the <a href="http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/news/Mario-Balotelli-stamp-row-Howard-Webb-should-be-banned-for-life-says-Manchester-City-striker-s-agent-article857113.html" target="_blank">unpredictable Howard Webb</a> drawn out his red card,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>News of it would've trumped Henry's return or that of Gerrard.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>There would have been no remorse from him, after an early shower,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Just hastily made plans for a night out in the city, while not undercover.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>You can bet an offended Mario would've stomped out of the ground,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>And left, but not before <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1380405/Mario-Balotelli-notches-10k-parking-fines.html" target="_blank">dissing the traffic policemen</a> on their round.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He would have been <a href="http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/news/Manchester-City-s-Mario-Balotelli-could-be-in-trouble-with-FA-after-swearing-on-TV-following-FA-Cup-win-article735972.html" target="_blank">cussing</a>, swearing and ticking off everyone,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>And taking it out on just about anything that moves under the sun.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He would have driven his Mercedes <a href="http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/man_city/45597/mario-balotelli-arrested-after-breaking-into-womens-prison.html" target="_blank">straight into a women's prison</a>,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Backed out, with apologies, and left before the inmates had arisen.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He would have <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/manchester-city-investigate-mario-balotellis-dart-prank-2254963.html" target="_blank">thrown darts</a> at the academy players the next day,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Or wore a Man United jersey just to make Mancini's hair turn grey.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He would have gambled away a tidy fortune at the swankiest casino,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Or voluntarily given away all his winnings to <a href="http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/861398-mario-balotelli-gives-1-000-to-homeless-man-after-big-casino-win" target="_blank">a tramp</a> he didn't know.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He'd have spitefully called on <a href="http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/news/HT-Man-City-1-0-Dynamo-Kiev-Mario-Balotelli-off-game-on-after-Aleksandar-Kolarov-goal-article714780.html" target="_blank">Goran Popov</a> and revisited that kick,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Or reminded good ol' <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/dec/03/manchester-city-mario-balotelli-jerome-boateng" target="_blank">Jerome Boateng</a> of the fight he did once pick.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He would have crashed his Lamborghini with <a href="http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/3544840/Manchester-City-star-Mario-Balotelli-car-in-pound-27-times.html" target="_blank">cash in the front seat</a>,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>And then proudly said 'Cos I can' instead of beating a hasty retreat.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He might have even investigated tales about the mafia to add to his fable,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Perhaps only coming to his senses when faced with <a href="http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3925568/Mario-Balotelli-Mafia-fear-as-he-reveals-table-full-of-drugs.html" target="_blank">cocaine on a table</a>.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He might have gone out on a limb and even set his <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2061688/Mario-Balotelli-faces-400k-firework-Cheshire-home.html" target="_blank">bathroom on fire</a>,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>And then nonchalantly offered to face any fines and consequences dire.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He would have headed to classy apparel stores Macy's or Bloomingdale's,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>And in a repeat of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBrD1eWo-6E" target="_blank">Bib-gate</a> manage to get strangled on his own coattails.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Or walked up to Buckingham Palace gates with a friend or two,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>And get them to shout out to the Queen, '<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/harryt/interesting-facts-about-mario-balotelli-4p4e" target="_blank">Balotelli will see you</a>'</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>You would think these incidents would be too far-fetched,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>But Balotelli has a rap sheet rAi??sumAi?? that is really stretched.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>We shudder gleefully at what incidents might have occurred,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Had Balotelli got that red card he so obviously deserved.</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>He would have made it one to remember - a day of real infamy,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>And insisted his legal defense simply be '<a href="http://www1.skysports.com/football/news/11096/7451085/-Why-always-me-" target="_blank">Why Always Me?</a>'</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>So many potential tabloid headlines snuffed out - such a pity,</em></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>Featuring none other than Mario Balotelli, The King Of Man City.</em></p>var 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