A conversation between Arsene and Cesc inside The Arsenatrix.

Arsene:

The Premiership is a system, Cesc. That system is our enemy. But when you are playing for that system, you look around, what do you notice? Fans, Media, Managers, Players and little squirrels! The very minds of the people we are trying to impress. But until we do, these people are still part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not real, and their expectations are not practical. And most of them are so hopelessly addicted to the system that they will not buy season tickets next year if we fail to live up to the system.

* Cesc’s eyes suddenly wander to Shakira, Pique’s latest acquisition. *

Arsene:

Were you listening to me, Cesc? Or were you looking at Shakira?

Cesc:

I was thinking what if I played for Bar…..

Arsene:

Look again…Freeze it.

* Shakira is now Giggs holding last year’s Premiership trophy *

Cesc:

This…This isn’t the system?

Arsene:

No. It is another training program to teach you one thing. Play beautiful football. If you don’t play beautiful football, you’ll have to listen to the jeers of fans on Manchester Derbies. If you are not one of us, you are one of them.

* Cesc shivers in disgust *

Arsene Knows

– Another day, inside The Arsenatrix.

Arsene:

I imagine right now, you’re feeling a bit like Torres? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?

Cesc:

Well, you could say that…

Arsene:

I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a kid..err..man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Wake up to see our club winning trophies…

Cesc:

Trophies…yeah…trophies…

Arsene:

Yess…trophies…Ironically, that’s not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Cesc?

Cesc:

No

Arsene:

Why not?

Cesc:

I just felt like saying no, basically I don’t know.

Arsene:

I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell why you are here. You are here because you can deliver. You are here because you are really good. You are here because you believeeeee….

I believeeee....

* after a moment of silence *

Cesc:

I believeeeeee…..

Arsene:

Yess, you believeee….You have felt it recently that there is something wrong with the system. You don’t know what it is (Though I know! * chuckles *), but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what am talking about?

Cesc:

Trophies….

Arsene:

No, you fool, it’s the System at Arsenal Football Club. It’s called ‘Arsene Knows’.

Cesc:

Arsene Knows?

Arsene:

Yes, he does. He sure does. ‘Arsene Knows’ is everywhere. In the tabloids, with the fans, on twitter, with the players! You can see it if you are in North London and you look out of your window. You can feel it when you go for training, when you go to the church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Cesc:

Truth? What truth?

Arsene:

That you are a slave, Cesc. Like everyone else here at Arsenal, you were transferred here and put into bondage. This is a prison that you cannot taste, see or touch. A prison for your mind!

I’m trying to free your mind, Cesc. But I can only show you the door. It leads to ‘Arsene Knows’, the beautiful football, guaranteed Champions League qualification, multiple RTs from innumerable fans on Twitter to whatever gibberish you tweet, High Society Life of North London, and most importantly believing in winning trophies. We, here at Arsenal, make you believeeee in winning trophies.

Cesc:

Believeeee…..Trophies……

Arsene:

Yes. Free your mind, Cesc.

* Arsene jumps from one stand of The Emirates to another *

Cesc:

Whoa!! Believe….