Manchester City had high hopes on setting the transfer market alight this summer. But for the most part, City didn’t even make the back pages for the most part. If you put that down to it merely being the calm before the storm, then you’d be right.

Rumors are afloat that Mancini has left the rat-race to sign the big European names in favor of some out-of-the-world stars. They come with astronomical price-tags but Mancini, with Sheikh Mansour’s financial prowess backing him, is not cowed one bit. Here’s a look at Manchester City’s biggest attempted signings, guaranteed to knock your socks out.

 

Peter is the first big name to be associated with Manchester City this summer. Since young British talents are crucial to the homegrown rule for all clubs not run by Russian mobsters, Mancini has had his eye on this young British lad for a couple of months. “Peter Pan is a wonder kid. In fact, even after 20 years he will still be a wonder kid,” Mancini said, with extra emphasis on the word ‘kid’. City had to fight off interest from Arsene Wenger who was obsessed with lowering his squad’s average age even further.

Tinker Bell’s dainty presence in the dressing room might be a distraction. But Mancini believes he has instilled the right sense of discipline in his men. Just to be sure, Balotelli has been asked not to squash anything he might mistake for a fly.

 

Manchester City is also linked with ancient Trojan Horse FC striker, Achilles. On hearing Achilles was willing to be drafted in the EPL, Chelsea offered an ultimately unsuccessful bid for the striker too. It is understood the advanced age of Achilles, running into thousands of years, would make him fit right in with the West London pensioners.

Since City’s style of play includes a couple of unnecessary back heels, Achilles would need to be extra cautious. Manchester United star Ryan Giggs was rumored to have been pestering Sir Alex Ferguson to make the signing. But it is understood that interest has now waned, after it was learnt Angelina Jolie was not really Achilles’ wife.

 

Don Vito Corleone has also been linked with Manchester city right from when Kolo Toure was banned for using questionable drugs. The speculations have continued this summer and it is understood that Mancini did attempt to make Vito Corleone ‘an offer he can’t refuse’.

However, Don Corleone was mighty unimpressed with Mancini’s use of the phrase and was rumored to have rejected the offer saying “An offer I can’t refuse? Where does he get these cheesy lines from?”

 

A number of clubs have shown interest in this versatile player, who is a plumber by profession, midfielder by choice and a defender by compulsion. Thanks to his plumbing background, it is a general notion that he doesn’t leak goals at the back. Since plumbing charges tend to be prohibitvely high, Manchester City are once again favorites to land the star of the small screen.

In a related development, City announced Mario Balotelli would no longer be known by the moniker “Super Mario” and have invited suggestions for a new nickname for the temperamental striker. Balotelli himself is said to prefer “The Bib Monster”.

 

On Saturday evening, it was reported by a reputed website that Man City are on the verge of completing the signing of the millennium. The player is unknown, unnamed, uncapped and well… technically unborn. He was created using FIFA-11’s “Create your own player” option with all requisite parameters such as agility, ball control, finishing set to a value of 99 on a scale of 100.

He is said to combine and exceed the individual attributes of both Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo – being twice as tall as the former, and twice as greasier as the latter. With him in the side, Manchester City could expect other sides to give up, surrender and capitulate even before the first whistle. Perhaps, in anticipation of his effect on other teams, Manchester City are rumored to be naming him Ben Dover.

 

– Dinesh Natarajan

– with inputs from Sanish Fernandez