<p style="text-align: justify;">• Michael Ballack is reported to have initially <strong>refused to collect his medal</strong> on stage unless guarantees were given regarding his contract renewal. However, a source close to the club maintains Ballack's initial refusal to walk that distance, was merely out of sheer laziness.</p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• The award ceremony also had to be held up for <strong>Terry's turn</strong> to take the medal, till all the women within a 200-yard radius had been evacuated. Terry's representative claimed the evacuation was standard procedure and <strong>not because</strong> his client had a tendency to hit on any female with a pulse.</p> <div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://view.picapp.com/default.aspx?term=John Terry&iid=8750004" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0px none currentColor;" src="http://cdn.picapp.com/ftp/Images/c/c/7/c/Sports_News_ed2a.jpg?adImageId=12823003&imageId=8750004" alt="Sports News - May 09, 2010" width="350" height="284" border="0" /></a></div> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>No females in sight!</em></p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• <strong>Bulgaria</strong> is shaken by the failed <strong>assassination attempt</strong> on its President. It has emerged that the assailant shot at the President, 21 times from close range, and still managed to miss. Dimitar Berbatov has been taken-in for questioning.</p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• Fergie turned a shade of deep purple upon hearing Wigan were down to ten men. Talent scouts who happened to witness this rare occurrence, have offered him a contract to star in his own Broadway musical - <em><strong>Fergie and the Amazing Technicolor Face</strong></em>. Mourinho is understood to be very upset, as this scuttles his plans for production of his own play <em><strong>Jose and Amazing Technicolor Overcoat</strong></em>. The only comment he returned was 'the better actor lost'.</p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• Sources close to Abramovich, claim his financial losses were because he was scammed by a <strong>Nigerian email spam</strong> that was <strong>traced back</strong> to Mikel's laptop. <strong>Ancelotti has backed Mikel</strong> to the hilt, claiming his 24 year old can barely string a pass together, much less an entire sentence.</p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• Giggs, Scholes and Neville were <strong>honored for their longevity</strong> by the Museum of Natural History by naming <strong>three newly discovered species</strong> of dinosaur after the trio. The fossils were discovered in an ancient tar-pit, with the fossil of Nevillosaur devouring* Scholesalophus.</p> <p style="text-align: justify;">* or so they think</p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• True Story! Didier Drogba has <strong>formed a band</strong> with teammates Florent Malouda, John Terry and Joe Cole. Some of the names for the band, being floated around are<em><strong> "Rage against the Ovrebo"</strong></em> and <em><strong>"Effin Disgrace"</strong></em>.</p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• Deco has <strong>chosen to return</strong><strong> to Brazil</strong> after Portugal rejected his plans, for setting up a soccer school there, by canceling his citizenship and declaring him an enemy of the state. At first Brazil refused to accept him too, but <strong>relented after England threatened</strong> to deport Lucas Leiva back instead.</p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• Arsene Wenger has promised to continue his <strong>club's unhealthy obsession</strong> with young talent. On a totally unrelated note, Arshavin has <strong>proposed changing the club's anthem</strong> to a Michael Jackson song.</p> <div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://view.picapp.com/default.aspx?term=Arsene Wenger&iid=8437562" target="_blank"><img style="border: 0px none currentColor;" src="http://cdn.picapp.com/ftp/Images/4/e/9/a/Arsenal_London_press_12a8.jpg?adImageId=12823022&imageId=8437562" alt="Arsenal London press conference" width="350" height="315" border="0" /></a></div> <p style="text-align: center;"><em> Arsene likes them young!</em></p> <p style="text-align: justify;">• Rafa Benitez has <strong>vowed to stick on at Liverpool</strong>, till they win their 19th title or till Dec 21st 2012 when the world ends. Either way, the new Liverpool jerseys will bear the slogan <em><strong>"We're scr*wed"</strong></em> in Chinese.</p> <p style="text-align: justify;"><em>Please Note: The above piece of work is merely fiction, and does not represent the current state of affairs in the footballing world </em></p>