THT Travesty: Carlito’s Way

Dear Carlo,

I write this letter out of sheer exasperation at what you’ve done to Chelsea FC. I understand that managers tend to impose their style of play on the club, but this recent string of results is ridiculous. This is so unlike us, and so unlike you.

First of all, you hail from a culture that plays a brand of football that is as exciting as trying to get spaghetti bolognaise stains off a white t-shirt. And then you made a transition to a foreign land whose language Ray Wilkins hasn’t succeeded in teaching you. And yet, unlike the greatest coach Uzbekistan has ever seen, you stubbornly refused to fail.

Luiz Felipe Scolari attends a news conference in London in this December 8, 2008 file photo. The World Cup winning coach has left Uzbekistan side Bunyodkor to help his son's university education . Scolari quit the club after a year in charge having failed to achieve success in the Asian Champions League, the Uzbek side losing to Saudi club Al Hilal in the last 16 earlier this month. REUTERS/Andrew Parsons/Files (BRITAIN - Tags: SPORT SOCCER)
The greatest coach Uzbekistan has ever seen
As a True Blue, I’m a bit concerned that there is more than meets the raised eyebrow here. These very same players, donning their national colors for quite possibly the last time, failed to find the net this World Cup with reassuring inaccuracy. They even stank up the whole of Europe with their pre-season form. Yet, once the Premier League kicked off, the same team has won twice with score-lines that Sania Mirza is usually at the receiving end of.

 

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More than meets the eyebrow?

 

Something’s not right. Anelka’s smiling, Drogba’s not whining, Ashley isn’t in the newspaper, and by all accounts Terry’s now a virgin. Look, I get that one tends to win 6-0 sometimes in football, but to do it so often and even have Obi Mikel conjure an earth-shattering pass out of thin air is suspicious.

Wembley Stadium Chelsea v Manchester United (0-3) Community Shield 08/08/2010 John Terry (Chelsea) waits to collect his losers medal Photo Roger Parker Fotosports International Photo via Newscom
The Virgin Terry

I have reason to believe, your top-secret lab run by the shadowy Bruno Demichelis has something to do with it. It is common knowledge at the San Siro that Demichelis, a master of the dark arts, is credited with doing the impossible and resurrecting Victoria Beckham’s musical career while also fixing her husband’s broke back.

Has the club finally learned how to clone the first team, letting us rotate the old geezers? Are we sending out fresh clones, every other week to get the job done in ruthless fashion? Have our attempts at crossing Obi Mikel with half-a-brain finally succeeded? Is Michael Ballack really gone?

So many questions.

This is not the Chelsea I fell in love with.

Regards,

A fan

73 Responses to “THT Travesty: Carlito’s Way”

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  1. Not a Devil says:

    Hahaha…awesome…ROTFL….
    but 1 question…R u questioning Chelsea`s back to back 6-0`s???

  2. Vikas says:

    @Not a Devil: I am sad you missed the sarcasm mate. :(
    Super article Sanish!

  3. Not a Devil says:

    @Vikas: No mate i didn`t miss out on the sarcasm…i have been following Sanish`s article…i know his ‘wicked’ side… 😛
    it was just a question

  4. CrazyGooner says:

    Sanish is back with a bang! 😀

  5. Kris says:

    As many of peers would eloquently put it, ROTFLMAO!

  6. kumaraswamy says:

    what a letter sirji awesome

  7. Prithwish says:

    Awesome Sanish!!! Gr8 job….

  8. SIr Alex says:

    Awesome :)