THT Special: End Of Season BPL Awards, Or Sort Of..

The Barclay’s Premier League season was full of outstanding performances, moments of brilliance, moments which made a mockery of football, and of course, the controversies. In a ten-month long season, there is a lot which goes unnoticed or is forgotten, and there is a lot which needs to be rewarded.

Here are some traditional, and some not-so-traditional categories to remind you of the season gone by…

Best manager of the season

Alex McLeish not only managed to keep Birmingham up this season, but has also secured a top half finish for the newly promoted side. Carlo Ancelotti has secured Chelsea’s first ever double, but with a team of superstars, that was well expected from him. The award, however, goes to a twitchy Harry Redknapp for finally breaking into the top four and earning Tottenham a first crack at the Champions League…qualifiers.

Survival act of the season

It is no mean feat to relegate two teams in the same season and still have a job. Eat your heart out, Jose! Brian Laws is the real miracle man.

Football - Burnley v Tottenham Hotspur Barclays Premier League
Brian’s laws of football didn’t quite work..

Goal of the season

Thierry’s cheekyness, Xabi’s audacity and Becks’ execution – Maynor Figueroa‘s long-range wonder to catch Stoke keeper Sorensen out is head and shoulders above every goal this season. Ashley Cole’s Bergkamp-esque strike against Sunderland, Danny Rose’s debut screamer against the Gunners and Cesc Fabregas’s solo effort against Spurs were unlucky to miss out.

Best celebration of the season

The direction, the team-spirit, the humour and the stage – Jimmy  Bullard‘s famous mockery of his own manager, at the very place he and his team-mates received a public rollicking one season ago, was up there with the best celebrations in football history.

Best impersonation of a football player

Andriy Voronin – you were fooled, weren’t you? Unfortunately for Liverpool, so was the man at the helm. With looks befitting a porn star, Voronin couldn’t find first base at Liverpool.

Fastest sprint of the season

No, not Lennon or Theo! This was a close contest between two men who play at the opposite ends of the field. Wayne Rooney’s seventy-yard sprint to finish off an attack he began in Arsenal’s half at the Emirates was spectacular. The award, however, goes to Pepe Reina‘s goal-to-goal dash to celebrate in front of the Kop. It took less than ten seconds and two camera angle changes for him to climb all over goalscorer Ngog, after he had scored against United. No other Liverpool player was in sight.

Most ground covered on the touchline

At times, Alberto Aquilani was like a neglected teenage girl doing everything possible to gain some attention. By Iain Dowie’s standards, he is pretty sexy as well. Unfortunately, a certain Spaniard has higher standards.

Worst use of technology

Ex-Hull manager Phil Brown preferred wearing a headset on the touchline to presumably communicate with the bench, instead of turning around and opening his mouth. Clearly, there was nobody listening at the other end. Phil lost his job and Hull were relegated.

Football - Hull City v Sunderland Barclays Premier League
Phil Brown – always on-line

Best missus grabber

John Terry. Contact Wayne Bridge.

Most influential merchandise

With a Liverpool crest on its heart, the beach ball sent Reina the wrong way to score the winner at the Stadium of Light. It also has the best goals-to-shots ratio in the league. BB for England!

Best Scouser of the season

A gentle reminder to United supporters who indulge themselves in anti-scouser chants. Wayne Rooney is a scouser – ironical, isn’t it?

Biggest debt of the season

David Bentley gets this one for ruining his manager’s three thousand pound suit in a post-match interview cum celebration at the Eastlands. The debt will be doubled if Tottenham don’t reach the group stages of the Champions League.

Bulls eye of the season

The accuracy of Lukasz Fabianski‘s drop on Bramble’s head would have made stealth fighter plans develop an inferiority complex. Somehow, Wenger wasn’t proud of this talent in his youngster.

Overrated goal of the season

Chelsea owns this category. The world has gone gaga over goals which didn’t go according to plan. Drogba’s opening day mis-directed cross in injury time gave Chelsea a victory over Hull – verdict: audacious! At Bolton, Deco and Lampard attempted to combine but Lampard’s back flick fortuitously found Drogba – verdict: simply stunning! But our winner comes from the visit of Stoke City, when Frank Lampard attempted to hook back a wonderful Hutchison cross, only to find the ball nestling in the far corner – verdict: Best player on the planet!

Chelsea vs Stoke City
Frankly, was it intentional?

Worst performance in a supporting role

When Dimitar Berbatov was taken off at White Hart Lane, it energized Wayne Rooney into a completely different player. Rooney ran the Spurs defence ragged on his own, scored a fabulous goal beating both center backs and a ten-man United looked more likely to score.

Best Chelsea hammering

There is a wonderful symmetry to this – 7-0 against Stoke, 7-1 against Villa and 7-2 against Sunderland before routing Wigan 8-0 on the final day. A rampant Chelsea washed their hands with all off these opponents in some style at Stamford Bridge. But our winner is the Aston Villa hammering. Why? For the statement of intent, for making a mockery of the best defense in the league and for ‘devastating’ the overly-dramatic Martin O’Neill.

Best impression of Mark Hughes

Roberto Mancini – The City boss hardly proved to be an improvement on Mark Hughes both, in terms of managerial abilities and in terms of ‘losing the plot’.

Best London bus analogy

Arsenal‘s two quick-fire goals at the end of the first half after a long wait against bitter rivals Tottenham were a commentator’s delight. The phrase ‘Just like the London buses…..’ came into perfect use all across the world in this London derby. After Cesc embarrassed the Spurs defense, Tottenham’s players were praying for an actual London bus to help them escape Harry’s wrath at half-time.

Best backpass of the season

Steven Gerrard and Carlton Cole fought a close battle. Gerrard’s through ball to Drogba was a dream for conspiracy writers and possibly the most vital moment of the season. However, the way Carlton Cole sliced open his own defense by passing it to none other than the Upton Park villain Jermaine Defoe, it was a nightmare of the highest order for a Hammers’ supporter. The West Ham striker duly picks up this award.

Best welcome to Manchester

The noisy neighbours made some real noise! Carlos Tevez and the story of the bill-board that generated massive media hype, debates, discussions, press conferences and rants across the world. Manc humour at it’s very best! However, that was the only laugh they got against their city rivals throughout the season.

‘Gotham Knight’ of the season

Didier Drogba transforms overnight from a petulant seven-year old to become the world’s best striker to save the London Bridge. However, he was exposed on the last day of the season.

Wuss of the season

Robinho – couldn’t cut it in the premier league, went back home and forgot to take Lucas with him. Good for nothing, Brazilians!

Football - Scunthorpe United v Manchester City FA Cup Fourth Round
“Off you go, son”

‘The Great Escape’ of the season

Leading by a goal in the 89th minute of a Manchester derby  and playing in the last line of defence, Rio Ferdinand attempted a fancy scoop over Petrov, only to surrender possession and find himself chasing Craig Bellamy like his life was at stake, because it was. Fortunately for Rio, the hair-dryer treatment or Fergie’s personalized version – ‘the boot treatment’ – wasn’t called for, because of Owen’s ‘Fergie time’ bail-out.

Worst Nani impression

Nani 2009/10 – from failed skills to exquisite dribbling, from picking poor choices to brilliant decision making and from wasteful attempts at goal to top-class finishes, where is the real Nani and what did United do with him?

Ugly moment of the season

Iain Dowie. Just ugly.

Rafa’s ‘facht’ of the season

27,000. This fact was repeated by him the most number of times this season – eight times – in a single interview. In the most dreadful and bizarre use of sarcasm, Rafael Benitez decided to repeat the attendance at the Britannia Stadium to attack the referee in a post-match interview, to deflect away from his own team’s shortcomings. Step aside Kevin Keegan, there is a new showman in town!

Hope you enjoyed it. Until next season then…

  • Howard Roark

    Article – (a dig at Lampard’s goal against Stoke) = BRILLIANT! 😀

  • redNblack_blood

    very well written couchey!!!!! esp the para on rafa’s sarcasm at the end :) the video was damn hillarious… 27000 fans 😀 was he high or smthn???

  • Vijay

    Confession of the season – Arsene Wenger admitting in a press conference early last season that he does see things sometimes in reference to a question on his famous “I did not see it” quote.

  • Gunner4Life of the most hilarious articles I have read in a long long time!! Best Scouser of the season..good one..haha!

  • abhinav

    bahahaha!!!! “At times, Alberto Aquilani was like a neglected teenage girl doing everything possible to gain some attention. By Iain Dowie’s standards, he is pretty sexy as well. Unfortunately, a certain Spaniard has higher standard”. whatttay line! ure a rapist man.rafa has been raped in this aricle in front of those 27000 ppl.and oh the hilarity of the phil brown & bullard videos.everything is so perfect about this article!! AWESOME

  • shyam

    Manager of the year:

    Worthy mentions are Pulis who (forget his methods) kept his team mid table without any big names and fewest of resources and Roy Hodgson.

  • Alex McLeish did better than Pulis. B’Ham finished 9th in their first season back up, Stoke 11th in their second.

    Roy Hodgson’s achievements weren’t in the league, but agree with you he was the best manager managing in England.

  • excellent is the word!!!

  • FergieIsGod

    Fantastic humour! Dis is the 1st slightly pro-Liverpool article I have ever liked…haha!

  • This is Anfield

    @ Howard Roark : The dig at Lampard goal improves the article

    @ Akarsh : Fabulous read

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