Ewood Park, Lancashire
August 28, 2010, 5:25 PM IST
A man possessed with the art of marauding and discomforting his ‘enemy’ on match-day with anything but football – let me introduce you to the former Rugby captain of Boltoncastle, Samuel ‘The Boxer’ Allardyce. The philosophy pursued by Dr. Sam and his ‘troops’ is quite simple. “We can’t play, we know it Godammit, but what the hell, we won’t let you play too!” Legend has it that Dr. Sam never lets his players touch a football during training. So unique and technologically advanced are his training methodologies, that Ewood Park gets surrounded by animated Bantu speaking tribes from Africa, who try to learn every move of Chris ‘The Dawg’ Samba and his men, and implement them back home during their ruthless hunting expeditions.
Dr. Sam, with his modus operandi, is a very imperative figure to mankind and other creatures who claim to be close to mankind. Wherever the world is infested by useless beautiful creatures, he brings in ugliness and brutality, and thereby retains the ‘Balance of Nature’. You would catch a glimpse of Dr. Sam with his headset (which continuously plays Thrash Metal by the way) walking around the Ewood Park ‘pitch’ barking orders to his men ‘Block, Jab, Elbow, Punch, Block, Punch….’, and wonder what makes him a football team’s coach. Make no mistake, he brings a distinctive flavor to a football team; he brings aggression dipped in white ‘gallantry’ sauce, and if you know a bit of football, you are a welcome addition to his ‘campaign’.
Talking of ‘Balance of Nature’, we have the handsome boys from North London, trained and packaged under the punditry of Arsene ‘The Beautiful’ Wenger, fated to lock horns with ‘The Blue and Whites’ at Ewood Park in an early kick-off on Saturday. Though Wenger claims to be an admirer of ‘The other style of football’, he is basically outright uncomfortable with the same. Cesc ‘One more year to Camp Nou’ Fabregas and his men play football because they love it; they take ‘Human Bonding and Camaraderie’ to an all new level. ‘Pass after pass after pass’ is the doctrine imprinted in every Gunner, and the implementation is done with incredible accuracy and élan. Trophies, to them, are just an excuse to lifting costly insignificant heavy metals and nothing else. They simply don’t care about such materialistic desires. Arsene Wenger employs his boys to bring joy to people, to spread the message of love, peace and brotherhood.
Having gone five seasons without silverware, many players in the team need to be injected with ‘Please stay motivated’ injections on match days of ‘pointless fixtures’ like the one coming this weekend. With the newly acquired magical powers of Arshavin and Theo’s blistering form (with his shoulders intact), Arsenal needs to pick up maximum points at Ewood Park if they want to be ‘Serious Title Contenders’. Even if the win materializes in the 93rd minute via a back pass from Ryan Nelson to Robinson, who slips and pushes the ball into his own net, Arsenal should take it with arms wide open.
Arsenal Possible Starting Line-up: Almunia, Sagna, Koscielny, Vermaelen, Clichy, Song, Diaby, Cesc, Theo, Arshavin, Chamakh
Blackburn Possible Starting Line-up: Robinson, Givet, Nelson, Samba, Jacobsen, Nzonzi, Andrews, Pederson, Reid, Diouf, Roberts
TheHardTackle’s PLAYER TO WATCH OUT FOR
Theo Walcott (Arsenal)
Though Arsene would ideally want Theo to come on as super-sub and create havoc with his pace and the new zeal to score goals, it’d be tough to keep him on bench. Theo needs to get the confidence of his manager, so that he can pull off a stunning season for the Gunners.
Blackburn 1-2 Arsenal
TheHardTackle’s BLAST FROM THE PAST